☆★ ☆ THE WORLD IS CHANGING!!! ★ ☆★

YES.. the world is changing... no one person can even be the same.. yes.. i have changed!!! everyone changes...but not like after awhile change..??? maybe throughout my 18 years i gradually change.. but.....sigh...

this entry is long... and i'm not angry with anyone or not pin pointing at anyone and this is entry is not meant to be hurtful...i just need to let things out and explain my behaviour..if at any point you find this boring or what-so-ever then you are free to stop reading..!!


i'm feeling really exhausted...really really exhausted.. we have a damn tiring timetable even though we have monday's off... tuesday we start at 10am end at 5pm.. we start at 8am end at 3pm..thursday we start at 9am end at 6pm..friday we start at 12pm end at 8.30pm..!! Saturdays i have to do the housework and goo to church.. sundays i have jappo lessons at bugis.. AND finally.. i have a monday to rest.. this sem.. its tons and tons of projects.. its a rush.... i know.. but now with so many projects in our hands.. its time we learned to start early.. do bit and bit each time.. and by the deadline.. we'll have it done.. if we were to be like last time and do it at the very last min.. then of course we'll feel the rush.. proejcts CAN'T be completed in just one day.. IT IS NEVER IMPOSSIBLE.. unless you're hoping for a mediocre pass or a fail then that may be possible.. but unless that's the case.. its never ever possible!!


Other people my age don't have to do the housework... they have maids or their mums or sisters do them...... yes.. they are lucky.. they are privileged...and i should stop whining about it.. but fyi.. i used to have a maid for 12 years of my life.. and then i had to suddenly start doing housework.. at first i was reluctant.. but as i grew older.. i knew..this was my responsibilty in my family.. my parents have done so much for me.. gave me things i've wanted eventhough not all.. but i still appreciate it... my family have been through alot.. sickness.. i almost lost my mum.. and even my dad.. or even myself.. and also my brother.. but we're all still alive and kicking... and i thank god for that... so since i feel its my responsibilty and i am willing to do it.. it doesn't mean i don't feel tired doing all this.. i'm still human... i give up time everyweek or i try to at least.. to do the housework.. to relieve the stress of my mum.. who is working her ass of just to make life comfortable for my brother and I... to some people they will never understand the feeling.. while they might be out with their friends or prob at home resting i am doing all of this.. and i go to church every sat.. yes.. i seem evil and bad on the outside.. but i do love god.. i respect him and i place him even before my parents... he has helped me so much.. has helped my family so much.... i could have lost my mum at the age of 3 but thanks to him.. i still have my mother here.. and i only get to spend that one hour every week with him.. yes... its boring during the service and i tend to get distracted sometimes.. but when you're there.. you feel calm and relaxed..and somehow.. you find your answers there...this is what i want.. some people don't even do this every week.. they have a religion but they don't go to their temples or churches every week.. ok.. maybe i feel more for my god.. so.. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT right..???? and i have jappo classes every sunday... this is what i wanted... to be able to master japanese has always been my dream.. everyone has dreams.. everyone has something they want to do.. i'm fine by it....

And then finally after this long week.. i have a monday off...!! some may think.."ah..so what.. my life is more hectic than yours.. so why the fuck are you complaining" but before that...think... everyone is different.. to you mondays may not mean alot.. but to others... this such mondays mean alot to them... they might like a hectic life.. but everyone is different right.. no one person will ever be the same.... to others.. they want to spend everyday of their lifes having something to do.. but when they do that.. they fail to sit down and appreciate the beauty that's around them. I know.. i seem like a lazy bloody pig... but if you look at what i do to help my family and you don't.. then stop calling me a lazy person...to others.. i seem to lead a bloody comfortable life.. but fyi.. i don't own alot of things... there are still alot more people around me who have the luxury of owning more bags...shoes...clothes and alot more branded stuff but i don't ...so what if my dad gives me money when i go out with pals or friends....its not a very significant amount i'm not a freeloader.. i do the housework.. help them run errands.... and its not because i amd forced to...its because i want to. so...in this case of a comfortable financial life.... i still think i am similar with many around me... and yeah.. you'll prob disagree with me.. cause i stay in a fucking condo.. but this condo was bought with the hard earned money and the bloodly stress and faces my parents had to tolerate for 20 ~ nearly 30 years before we got this bloodly flat.


Nobody will ever understand..the feeling that me or even feli has.. to have to wake up 2 hours everytime before the lesson starts when everyone else around us have about 30 ~ maybe 45 mins more to sleep then us. nvm about the waking up early.. but the travelling.. i have to walk 10 mins out to the busstop.. a 15 ~ 20 mins bus ride to the mrt station followed by 35mins of mrt ride to YCK everytiime i go to sch or even come home...its extremely tiring... but everyone stays so near the sch. so everytime we do projects.. feli and i always travel to somewhere near sch to do the projects..and when we end late.. we take cabs... believe it or not.. i used to take 14 days of cab contineously in 2 weeks..which is everyday... its not cheap.. to spend on cab fare.. i gave up other things that i wanted to buy.. feli and i always travel to convinient place around the sch area for everyone.. ok.. its just plain unlucky for us to stay so darn far and its life.... but still... THIS IS CALLED COMPROMISE...!!!! i just want understanding from everyone else when i seem lazy to travel...just some understanding behind this behaviour...i am dead tired of having to take the cab so many times.. its very tempting and can make one person reliable on it.. i don't want to be reliable on it.. as unbelieveable as it seems.. i don't want to spend alooot of my parents money.. i want them to spend it on themselves.. have nice holidays everytime.. i don't even care if they don't leave any money for me next time.. its their money.. if they want to spend it all on themselves.... then so be it.. as long as they make me happy once in awhile.. then its alright with me. material things make you happier.. i'm already happy having nice people around me... material stuff only make you happier but it doesn't make you feel even the basic happiness!!!!


So yeah... PROJECTS can't be finished in just one day.. not one day of discussion.. you don't see business people finish business discussion in just one day.. its all spread out!! yes.. they have to work like shit for prob 5 or 5 and a half days.. but THEY STILL HAVE 1 DAY OFF!!! we can finish our projects if we learn to spread them out... we all feel so stressed last time because we left everything to the last min.. everyone of us....

I'm sorry if you all read this long entry and you all are thinking that its a lame entry.. i just had to get everything out.. i'm feeling sooo ... i don't know.. the feeling is just indescribable .. EVERYONE is different.. its understandable if we like someone...when you like someone..somehow your behaviour is understood... but eventhough this behaviour is understood.. there should be some limits to everything in our lifes..all we ask is for a little understanding.. i won't mind meeting up on mondays if we really have to do really really impt things that have to be completed the very next day or something....but sometimes things can't be changed or completed in one day...just like how we can't change ourselves in one day.... we have everyday to do our work.. if we learn to spread it out nicely..it will get done without feeling ultimately stressed out at the last min worrying that we have not completed our work. i'm willing to compromise.... and i believed i have done so in other times...but i can't be the one compromising all the time.. i compromised during my sec 1 and 2 days.. and what happens... teachers make use of me... friends make use of me.. no matter what i had always compromised during that time.. and the result was when i gave my 200% effort.. i only got back 10% .... i compromised to my friends... even if they were angry with me i compromised everything.. and in the end... i became made use of.. i became misunderstood...adn that's why i had friends even betraying the trust that i had in them..no matter how unbelieveable some things they said are supposed to be true.. i gave them that benefit of the doubt.. why.. beacuse they were my friends and i trusted them..but what happens.. they change after one month and betray that trust... and that's why i've learned... to compromise is important.. but we should never be the ones to compromise all the time... i've compromised so much during those days..... and i had felt extremely miserable during that time...i'm not asking everyone to compromise to me all the time..i'm just hoping for alittle compromise once in awhile and some understanding from everyone else...is it wrong for that...??? i want people to understand why i am this way.. why i react this way.. its not that i'm lazy or anything.... If its urgent then sure.. monday...but....some stuff cannot be completed in just one day... if we learn to spread out and do our work during those few days.. i'm sure we'll be able to make it !! so please try to have more understanding towards how i feel..??!!To some people.. i may be a slacker.. a freeloader... during the post o level period..everyone was out at work.. but i didn't.... to everyone i may be lazy.. yes.. i agree i was that little lazy during that period...to everyone.. i was a freeloader during that period.. yes....maybe i was still receiving alittle allowance during that period.... if i had alot of things that i wanted to have i wanted to buy.. and i didn't go to work and let my parents pay for everything.. then i would have been considered a real free-loader... but i didn't ask for anything much.. i didn't drool over branded items so much so that i had to work to feed this expensive life.. yes i did receive allowance.. but it was not significant and i didn't spend much of it.. in fact i saved alot of it.... during that period was one of the best and most relaxing time of my life.... i may never have that chance to relax until i retire probably...


That's all.. i've said enough.. i hope everyone reads till this point!I STILL LOVE EVERYONE.. AND I STILL ACCEPT EVERYONE... WE'RE ALL DIFFERENT ANYWAYX RIGHT???GOD MADE US THIS WAY... AND I WILL ACCEPT IT... NOT EVERYONE IS PERFECT...I'M SURE PEOPLE HATE ME FOR SOME THINGS I DO...JUST LIKE HOW I MIGHT HATE SOME THINGS PEOPLE DO.. THAT LIFE.. WE HAVE TO ACCEPT IT I GUESS..AND TAKE IT ALONG OUR STRIDE.... I JUST HAD TO LET MY FUSTRATION AND STRESS OUT!!LIKE I'VE SAID.. I'M NOT PIN-POINTING ANYONE.. I JUST HAD TO LET EVERYTHING OUT.. I'M FEELING TRAPPED HAVING TO KEEP EVERYTHING INSIDE... SO PLEASE..NO ONE TAKE TOO MUCH OFFENCE TO WHAT I'VE SAID!!!


｀（*∩_∩*）′～★☆

出会えたことが嬉しくて　なんだか涙が溢れてく
何時しか遠く離れても　確かな絆は途切れない
心に元気無限大　大切な仲間

ありがとうー


ベルナヂだ